These are my notes from April last year, as my presence began first explaining my transness with me. I’d bought a black dress just before and thrown it away, and we were about to buy our red dress, the first dress kept, and were to walk outside as ourselves in. I’d forgot that the first name I was given was Emma, and my presence was then Samantha. She then gave me the name Mary, and now it’s just our name. it’s strange and beautiful, nature is so terrifying / sublime – a singular light, where there is no other, but the life she will hold and love.